Attorney Michael de Broglio on: South Africa, Law, Politics, Attorneys, Sport, Photography, Technology, Gadgets, Media, Crime, Road Accidents Fund,
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I would love to know what people think the modern dating rules are, because they seem to change with time. I saw an article recently that said that the old dating rule, for example, was that you should not accept a date for Saturday night after Wednesday. In other words, you cannot show yourself to still be available on Thursday or Friday for a Saturday night date. The article said that one of the new rules for ladies is to never accept or answer a call or SMS after midnight – which would make sense to me – because after midnight one is pretty much in desperation hour!
The old rule was not to call a guy but wait for his call and now the new rule, according to what I read in any event, is that you must wait at least 4 hours before replying to the first SMS or text from a new guy, and take at least 30 minutes to reply to each SMS after that. It is all about playing the waiting game of course and I would love to read any other rules that you think make sense or you would pass on to a 19 year old daughter or sister if you had one.
Posted by Michael de Broglio on Thursday 14-Mar-13
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Comments
Cornelie said:
on Wednesday 20-Mar-13 11:42 AM
I've been in a relationship for 8 years now I think if I must go on a date now I will make my own rules, been out of the dating game for a while now.
Benita said:
on Friday 15-Mar-13 10:10 AM
I never follow the rules and it worked for me so I do not beieve in rules.
Nicky said:
on Thursday 14-Mar-13 04:31 PM
I heard a similar discussion on radio before -when to call back, when to hold hands, when to kiss etc. I think that it just places too much pressure on both parties when dating and instead of enjoying each other's company the dating couple are over-analysing and trying to remember all the rules.
I dont also think that one set of rules can apply to every single date you go on -what will work with one person might not work with somebody else.
The only rule, if any, that think makes sense to me is that both parties should hve the same idea of what kind of "relationship" they are in or still going into.
Jessica said:
on Thursday 14-Mar-13 02:59 PM
I must say I wouldn't even know how to flirt no more lol less alone play these new games. But from when I remember a chick would NEVER ever sms a guy first that is a womans rule, same as the rule of if he was with your friend then he WONT EVER be with you. I had guys bringing me coffee and muffins at like 3 in the morning lol but never ever let them stay over or even enter my room lol those type of guys aren't worth a womans time. I also would never ever meet when it was only convenient for him because guess what lady, you are the back up plan if the other doesn't work. But I am happy with my fiance he really made me feel like a woman and that is why I said yes. The others were real boys and I needed a man. But good luck single ladies don't forget your worth. P.S. LOVE Safia's comment LOL.
Brenda said:
on Thursday 14-Mar-13 02:56 PM
Rules for dating, that is very funny, and this blog must be one of the most interesting ones to comment on! Waiting 4 hours before answering the first text!! No ways, Maybe 10 Minutes before the thrill of it all gets the better of me.
Yes, you meet someone and it would be nice to get an sms after a date from the guy saying that he had a good time. To wait 4 hours before you respond is ridiculous! You wait 4 hours, the guy will think you are not interested and he wont contact you again. Communication is key in any relationship, and you will know sooner whether or not he is "the one" after you have had a good conversation with him, and not one that takes all day because you are waiting 30 minutes between messages to answer him.
Thabitha said:
on Thursday 14-Mar-13 02:53 PM
Rules are always been broken and life is too short just be responsible and enjoy life.
Cherise said:
on Thursday 14-Mar-13 02:40 PM
I personally dont believe in dating rules when it comes to guys , everyone is different so you cant expect the same reaction from your rules you place on a guy.
Just go with the flow , learn about one another and have fun.
I do believe though anything after 12pm is a "booty call" LOL
Tans said:
on Thursday 14-Mar-13 01:56 PM
There are 3 reasons why I don’t believe in dating rules, and they are:
1) Every rule that has ever been made has been bent, manipulated, and then broken. Every dating rule.
“Don’t show interest before she has, don’t chase her, don’t date, don’t buy her gifts, don’t, don’t, don’t…”
This was the one thing that always jarred with me: if a ‘natural’ can break any rule made, why cant I?
2) The most amazing dates you ever have are not the ones you have when you’re inside your head, thinking.
They happen when you’re totally immersed inside the conversation. And you’re not thinking at all.
How can you ever hope to achieve this when you’re stuck inside your head thinking about what you should and shouldn’t be doing?
3) I believe that the thing we desire more than anything in this world is freedom. Not personal freedom from persecution, but pure and uninhibited expression of our inner self.
The only thing that rules do is take us further away from this so why would you bother?
There are so many other things in this world that are design to stop you from purely expressing yourself so why would you actively participate in another one?
Rules train you to not listen to your deep seeded desires. And they actually prevent you from getting in touch with your true self.
If you’re not in touch with your deep inner self, how can you ever hope to express it?
I should clarify that I don’t believe your true self has fears or doubts or concerns as they are a construct of social conditioning.
I don’t believe your true self is inherently angry, depressed, or manipulative as these are a product of your socialisation. You may experience negative feelings but they are not your natural state.
A lot of people say that newbies to the dating community should use rules – so they don’t make common mistakes. But from what I’ve seen, the biggest mistake a newbie can make is trying to be something that he’s not.
Now I’m sure that someone’s going to chime in with “aren’t you just making a rule that you have to be yourself?”
No, I’m not.
If you want to live by rules and limitations on your actions then it’s your choice.
But if you find that you’re not achieving the freedom that you so deeply desire, then you may want to look at the rules you’re placing around yourself and work out how they’re preventing you form achieving your freedom.
So what do you replace rules with? Understanding.
When a guy has an empowering understanding of the nature of masculinity and femininity, rules become obsolete.
The only reason rules were invented in the first place is because people didn’t understand what was going on so they felt it necessary to create these rules to explain what was going on.
And to tame the side effects which result from repressing parts of yourself with rules.
Once you have an empowering understanding, rules are completely unnecessary.
Safia said:
on Thursday 14-Mar-13 12:07 PM
interesting topic !
Men have not changed over 10000 years, they were cavemen then and still are. He needs to hunt you down and drag you into his cave otherwise there is no thrill for him. let him be the hunter,he will pay the price later by going to the altar with you..
Angelique said:
on Thursday 14-Mar-13 10:05 AM
There shouldn't be rules for dating but there are! Number 1 Rule is Act Like A Lady But Think Like A Man!!! (Yes says the single one!) Should appear available but never really be completely available! You have to play the game because if you dont you will get played yourself. You will be vulnerable and taken advantage of. I dont like playing games but I do - if it gets boring and annoying I rather walk away. Don't answer a call after 12 unless you have a friends with benefits but if the guy you really like is calling after that time you are a booty call! Another rule - DONT be the side chick because thats all you will ever be - and your reputation will follow you unless you ok with that. Let him chase but with the intention of being caught. There's also a 90 day sex rule! No intimacy until the 90 days are over. Always keep some things a mystery! I could go on and on but I wont. In the end it all depends on your own morals and choice. A friend can advise you to text a certain way, in a certain time frame but in the end you most likely going to do what you want and feel is right! Good Luck single ladies & men! Just have fun!
Claudette said:
on Thursday 14-Mar-13 09:07 AM
Infact - today there is no more rules. There is no more respect. I am happily married and satisfied with my own rules.
Sarah said:
on Thursday 14-Mar-13 08:59 AM
I agree with Alexis and Sheena just be yourself. Who would want to answer their phones after midnight or less it is an emergency.
thembi said:
on Thursday 14-Mar-13 08:57 AM
Will advise my sister to follow her heart as we are now living in the 20th century and things are now done differently.
Helen said:
on Thursday 14-Mar-13 08:45 AM
If my daughters will come and ask me advice what to do - I will probably tell them to wait with replying and keep distance. I probably already forget the rules of those kind of games after 7 years happily married and it is very difficult to give advice because each relationship is different.
Lucretia said:
on Thursday 14-Mar-13 08:45 AM
There should be no rules for dating. Each relationship is completely different and should be treated that way. What happened to having fun and "going with the flow". There are rules and regulations for so many things in life, let a relationship just be. If it is meant or not meant, no amount of rules will make a difference anyway - live, love and laugh.
Tanith said:
on Thursday 14-Mar-13 08:25 AM
Dating rules are definitely not the way they used to be, it seems that girls and guys are so much more eager nowadays, people move through the stages a lot quicker then they used to, Moving in together, having children, marriage etc. I read an article a few days ago, where they were saying that in Indonesia, it is illegal for a couple to live together if they are not married, can you imagine that in SA? Pheuw!
Joyce said:
on Thursday 14-Mar-13 08:23 AM
I would advise my little sister the old rule not to call a guy but wait for his call
sheena said:
on Thursday 14-Mar-13 08:02 AM
I dont think there should be any rules for dating. Dont pretend to be something your not... if that someone really likes you they will stick with you and if not thrn its not meant to be.
Yolandi P said:
on Thursday 14-Mar-13 08:00 AM
Dating rules to me is equivalent to playing games. Yes, you are not suppose to look desperate but having rules dictate how you get to konw someone will put a real damper on things. If i had to give my little sister advise I would say just go with the flow and do what feels right. Use your own instinct and do not conform to the silly ideas of society.
brumilde said:
on Thursday 14-Mar-13 07:58 AM
I haven;t been single for 5 years so im pretty much out of the game.
Alexis said:
on Thursday 14-Mar-13 07:36 AM
Rules for dating, i find that retarded. Do what you want etc and show the person you are after who you really are - why do people feel it necessary to make themselves something that they are not
Johannesburg based attorney specializing in personal injury matters including Road Accident Fund claims and medical negligence matters. My interests include golf, reading and the internet and the way it is constantly developing. I have a passion for life and a desire for less stress!
